Temptation
Temptation overtakes my soul
I can focus on nothing but sin
My mind is spinning out of control
I see no way that I can win
My flesh throws out its rationalizations
Making it easy to give in to temptation
To You, O God, for help I turn
To please You Lord, I do still yearn
Just like Israel, Thy wayward nation
I seem to stray so easily
But there’s still hope to turn to Thee
Only You can save me from temptation
By day and night I plead and pray
While I stare my sin in the face
Before my eyes unceasing it stands
Where, O God is Thy grace
Overwhelmed by my own flesh
It is agony not to give place…
…to my temptation
Grief
Grief alone is my portion now
I am so saddened by my state
I do not see any way how
I am able to change my fate
Sadness and misery replace belief
Seeing my sins, I fill with grief
Is there no joy left for me?
God, from anguish set me free
I’m weeping and trembling like a leaf
Conviction pierces me like a knife
Godly sorrow, it should bring life
So Lord, take pity and remove my grief
Misery, misery fills my soul
I remember nothing else besides
If there was any hope of comfort
I would open my heart wide
But since no one shares my woe
Into the depths of sorrow I slide…
…deeper into grief
Test
Tested and tried by God’s fire
What is He after in me?
Whatever grace that I could acquire
Seems to come through agony
If God really wants to bring out the best
I suppose he must put me to the test
Help me God endure to the end
Above what I can bear, please do not send
When I think I may fail, fear fills my breast
Will I be able to stay down in the trial
Under God’s chisel, hammer and file?
What will remain at the end of the test?
Are there answers to my questions?
Can I know what is God’s plan?
This thing that’s looming over me
Seems too much for any man
My strength and my resolve are fading
I don’t think there is any way I can…
…pass the test
Condemned
Condemned by my own sin and pride
Could this be my just reward?
Is there nothing of merit inside?
All just worthy to be abhorred
I cannot abide a thing my God sends
There is no wonder I feel condemned
Is there hope, O God, for me?
What can I do to be made free
From this iniquity without end?
Your mercies seem so out of reach
Take pity on me, Lord, I beseech
Don’t allow me to be condemned
I cannot seem to find repentance
My words, do they fall on deaf ears?
So, I’m resigned to a lifelong struggle
Will I give in to all of my fears?
Am I just not meant to be righteous?
Was seeking God just wasted years?
Am I Condemned?
Dread
Dread has come upon my heart
I am alarmed by what I am thinking
My faith and hope are coming apart
Into desperation I’m sinking
By my reasonings my fear is fed
I’ll soon be conquered by my dread
Can I not just trust in Thee?
Will You take this fear from me?
Jesus, my Savior, You surely bled
As chastisement for our peace
Lord, I’m desperate for release
From the power of fear and dread
When I think of facing my fears
Panic consumes my whole insides
God, he asks the impossible of me
I am paralyzed by my pride
I cannot bring myself to act
So there’s nothing left besides…
… this fear and dread
Shame
Shame is what I feel for who I am
I have fallen so far from grace
It seems I once was a Godly man
Now I hardly recognize my face
Total corruption fills my frame
Nothing fills my mind but shame
How, O Lord, did this happen to me;
To a man who once belonged to Thee?
I have brought dishonor to Your name
Rejection is my greatest dread
To You I will not lift my head
My only covering now is shame
Darkness is my only solace
I cannot bring my sins to light
Who would accept me as I am?
But rather recoil at the sight
This loathsome, pitiful man
Is safely hidden in his night…
…driven there by shame
Alone
Alone, without a single friend
There is no one who understands
How could anyone comprehend
What goes on in another man?
No confessor; my sins go unknown
No one to turn to; I’m left all alone
My God, have You abandoned me too?
No surprise if with me You’re through
And yet inside for Your presence I groan
I have wandered out of Your will
Though You be angry, I know that still
You will not forsake me or leave me alone
It’s so hard not to feel abandoned
Desolation is all around
None to whom I can open my heart
There is no comfort to be found
I’ve shut the door of my own heart
Out into the wilderness I am bound…
…left all alone
Doubt
Doubt assails my wounded heart
Can I believe that God is still real?
Everything I believed would fall apart
If I gave in to all that I feel
I do not understand what life is about
All reason and purpose gives way to doubt
O Lord, my faith is quickly waning
The life and strength in me is draining
If You are not real, then can I do without?
No God, No Savior, a horrible thought!
But are You the God of whom I was taught?
Seeing my circumstances its hard not to doubt
Mistrust, uncertainty, and suspicion
What is real? What is fake?
Is there no longer a rock to rely on?
Give me a sign, for pity’s sake!
If God is still there, he offers no proof
Left without hope, my heart will break
Forgive my doubt
Tired
Tired, I am, of trying to fight
So sick of all the hurt and pain
Worn down by this unending plight
My poor heart is totally drained
In the “slough of despond” I am mired
I want to give up, for I am so tired
Can’t I just roll over and die?
God, can you give me a reason to try?
It seems there is no end to Your fire
I cannot pull myself up again
No longer want to endure to the end
I just want to quit for I am beaten and tired
Weary beyond what I can bear
I cannot take another thing
As I endure my sleepless nights
I only dread what tomorrow might bring
My heart is worn down and it is withered
And so to my last thread I cling…
…overcome and tired
Despair
Despair, it settles upon me now
I cannot see now any way out
Do not know why God would allow
Such great hopelessness and doubt
I can say all I want, “Its just not fair”
But that will not help me out of despair
God, have You forsaken my soul?
Why has my faith spun out of control?
I am chasing the wind and beating the air
Why, O God, has this come to pass?
Woe is me! Alas! Alas!
I cry to Thee from the depths of despair
Is there not any room for hope?
Can it be so completely black?
Not one beacon, nor a light
Neither in front nor when I look back
Oh, I am utterly lost and forsaken
I have withered under the attack…
…so I despair
Panic
Panic, terror, trepidation, fright
This is all I have in me
My face is flushed, my knuckles white
Clinging to a sliver of sanity
My heart and mind completely frantic
Driven by my tormentors to panic
O God, I think I’m losing my mind
To Your presence I’m wholly blind
Confused, deranged and manic
At any moment I could snap
Desperate to escape my trap
Who knows what I will do in my panic
My mind won’t cease to race
I am bouncing off the walls
If nothing happens for me soon
Into madness I’ll surely fall
I only want to find relief
From my desperate state I call…
…In a panic
Turmoil
Turmoil is all that I have left
Stormy waves are tossing me around
Of all grace I’ve been bereft
Nothing remains but to run aground
Still at the oars, lifeless I toil
Plodding ahead through my turmoil
My soul is in agony, O Lord
Pierced through with a poisoned sword
And from the pain my heart recoils
For a moment’s peace I’d pay any price
To know that yet Your grace will suffice
Can there be contentment in turmoil?
Tormented and trembling, so I fall
Curling up like a child I weep
Waves of pain assault my soul
Oh, for only a moment’s sleep
Then, perchance I could dream of peace
And believe again in God down deep…
…in the midst of turmoil
Broken
Broken down by months of night
I feel so empty in my heart
No more strength with which to fight
My flesh, my will, now torn apart
For my struggles, this my token:
My will contrite, my heart broken
I have nothing left to give at all
In my heart there is no call
My need too deep to be spoken
To God I’ve nothing left to give
I only hope He will forgive
This man ploughed under and broken
I have lost all I once had
I feel so stretched and thin
Nothing left to cling to
No longer even my sin
My white flag has been run up
Don’t know where to begin
I am broken
Joy
Postscript
Joy comes in the morning it’s true
But I didn’t think it would for me
God was at work and I never knew
That He soon would set me free
Now His light streams into the void
And my darkest night turns into joy
My circumstances are much the same
My heart has not been set aflame
But somehow a grace has been deployed
I’ve risen above on faith’s great wings
Now deep inside His song I sing
Not giddy and grinning, yet full of joy
I held onto His promises
Till my knuckles turned white
And my merciful Lord
Took pity at the sight
Just in time He reached me
Pulling me out of deepest night
…joy comes in the morning
